Life on the edge of edgy

I have been in a slightly crazed phase. Now I am u[ watching SNL, forgetting everything. I got into a fight, so not my big thing. It was one of those unnecessarily provoked situations that you had to face in order to end. In the end you just feel so disgusted. Still it was kinda funny.

I have broken away from traditional media and gotten into blogging and newsletter news. The quality of intimate media is becoming increasingly better. I am rather pleasantly surprised.

I am still in a slightly surrealistic space just more subdued due to current events beyond my control. Player haters. WAAAH.

Still no real romance insight, sometimes this is a good thing. Lots of regrouping is going on, I am very preoccupied with work, but I like work esp. because I get to do a lot of the other things I like doing throught this job. That has always been what I really wanted I think at least since being a doctor stopped being a this life reality.

I have been thinking about my circumstances, relocating and all of the usual angst that having fights, car accidents, and the like. I don't know why I am always in the epicenter of drama. I suppose it just works that way. You get hurt you heal. I guess its just that I don't live that way you know. So I don't learn from these things, I am only disturbed by all these events.

Its times like these that you consider getting back into the last relationship you were in because things aren't seeming to improve and suddenly any support becomes attractive again. I am trying to be strong. Truthfully, neither one of us has changed, but the attraction is still there, I know don't.

What does disappointment weigh. Feels so heavy. I wonder sometimes what it would be like to live without. Some people are just determined to hurt. Does matter what you do.

I have a lot of love grumbles. A general fussiness, I need to create someone yet that someone doesn't exist. lol I guess it does matter because someone always wants control. Makes no sense and seldom works out. I have some pretty bruises all butterfly looking and multi colored. I was playing with them while I was in the bath.

Its a new year. Time to sell more cars. Why I don't know its a tradition. Why does the media and marketing control our lives? Do they know what's best or just trying to keep us from thinking about it really? I don't know either.

I like the gay hitler skit on SNL. Its pretty hysterical, that and brian fellows safari planet. They kille me.

Santa got me my ozzy doll. He's cool, he keeps me company in the car. Everyone likes him. He's my boy friend for right now. Its good to have a man around.